Petals For Armor - Hayley Williams: Review
is a Tennessee based singer and songwriter who has served as the frontwoman for pop-punk band Paramore for over a decade. After 4 records with the band Hayley is venturing out as a solo act with Petals For Armor her solo debut.
Review By Lavender:
It is safe to say that I have never been a fan of Paramore. When they were in their most popular pop-punk phase during the 2000's I found them more annoying than engaging, but it was their follow-up self-titled album in 2013 that really rubbed me the wrong way and still does to this day. A lot of people who we're never fans of the band found themselves coming around to the fourth record the band dropped which was a huge change of pace that dropped the edginess for a much more approachable sound. While even I will admit the lead single Hard Times is a great track I can't say the record really won me over, being the best Paramore album just isn't saying much in my book. So when Hayley emerged with a solo record I wasn't expecting much and I watched her release the first two portions of this record in individual EP's and I'm glad that I did. This record gets off to one of the most disastrous starts I've ever heard and if I had listened to the opening EP I don't think I would have ever looked back.
When I say that his record gets off to a bad start I mean that you literally have to get through seven of the weakest songs I've heard all year before there is any sort of relief. Simmer is the opening track and not the worst of the worst but god is it boring. The song reminds me of the long developing instrumentals of a dormant National song and Hayley sounds like she is barely even trying on the vocals. Leave It Alone is slightly better but once again the boring instrumental and understated vocals do nothing to help the underwritten structure of the song and the relentless lack of anything interesting. I thought Cinnamon may be a break from this because I like the lyrics of the song quite a bit and the cocky delivery Hayley puts on them is very charming. The songs downfall is a completely disastrous hook that is a total non-chorus dragging on for ages and making me really regret ever putting it on in the first place. The next track Creepin is an instant no thanks and it reminds me of some of the terrible pop punk songs from early Paramore except all they sucked out all the fake energy and excitement and tried to replace it with some equally fake darkness and hostility. Finally Sudden Desire is a return to the boredom formula that tries to remedy it with a loud explosive chorus that comes off incredibly cringey because it is just super underwritten and sounds so out of place with the rest of the track.
These were the five songs that made up the first Petals For Armor 1 EP and if I was judging it as a project on its own I would literally give it a 0/10. Not one of the songs has anything redeeming and it blew me away every time I listened to this record just how patience testing and headache inducing the start of this album is. But it doesn't even stop there because the album stays just as bad before it gets better. Dead Horse has a pretty popping bass riff and a simple catchy hook that sounds like a 90's pop song. It is better and more tolerable but I would still never willingly listen to it especially once we get to the agonizing yeah yeah yeah bridge. My Friend is the final tooth this record has to pull at least until the third section. Once again it has a complete disaster at the hook and while the performances aren't outwardly terrible the song adds up to pretty much nothing redeeming whatsoever.
The oasis that saves you from the first half of this album is the 8th song on the record and the third song on the 2nd EP Over Yet. The track rocks and not just because of the context of the record I actually really like it. The instrumental is a jittery upbeat mix of 90's rock and some electro pop and the sweet vocal melodies in the verses set up a fantastic hook, god bless. The Ep stays decent from here too starting with Roses/Lotus/Violet/Iris which sounds straight out of Radiohead's The King Of Limbs but honestly I'm okay with it. The song is a touch underwritten but the natural driving instrumental is a nice change of pace and Hayley gets the chance to show off some of her vocal chops on the songs darker second half. The last song on this portion of the record is Why We Ever an interesting multi-faceted song that has some very different levels of quality in its phases. I think there are some really good moments on this song and if it had been 2 minutes instead of 4 I think it really could have been something good. If I was ranking the middle EP of the album I would give it a decent 5/10 which is at the very least a huge step up from the beginning.
The third section of the album is what I like to describe as the wasted potential section of the record where Hayley starts songs off channeling influences really strongly before settling back into a boring routine. Pure Love is the best of these where Hayley is delivering haunting echoed vocals that remind me of Siouxsie Sioux but then the song really suddenly becomes a Carly Rae Jepsen track on the hook. Despite being underwritten the track does have some bright or catchy points that I think are pretty good. Sugar On The Rim starts off really cool with a rumbling house beat and repeated refrains that remind of of Robyn's Between The Lines but the song doesn't keep it up. After a pretty agonizing verse the song actually manages to return with a huge hook and get better from there. Finally on Watch Me While I Bloom Hayley sounds a lot like Debut era Bjork but then really quickly settles into a mundane and tolerable pop rock track with a decent groove and stays there.
Taken is a decent little groovy relationship tune with a cheeky chorus that I like although getting there can be a bit of a drag and it sits in between two more exciting songs. Crystal Clear is the closing track of this nearly hour long album and it fittingly ends on a really underwhelming ballad. Everything on the track is so fragile that it sounds like you could blow it over yet there doesn't seem to be a shred of genuine emotion anywhere on the song. With its glammed up pop rock instrumental and "crystal clear" vocals I just want it to be over as soon as it starts.
Petals For Armor is an absolute mess of a record that very rarely stumbles into good ideas and doesn't even do that good of a job handling them when they happen to come up. Whether you're talking about the terrible start of the record or the inconsistent second half listening to the full hour of music on this record is an experience I would recommend to nobody and I'm really not sure what else I could say. If you are particularly malicious maybe try to listen to the first 7 songs of this record in a row without getting a headache and stopping and we can start some kind of new internet challenge. Other than that I don't ever see myself coming back to this. 3/10
Album Cover Review by Tyler Judson:
UNDERWHELMING. Being a fan of Paramore I was expecting a lot out of this but it's just... meh. The image is a good photograph but lacks any form of interest other than that. The text seems squished haphazardly at the bottom with no finesse and it just leaves the viewer wanting more. With the title Petals For Armor I could think of so many ideas that would've been more striking and successful than this. 4/10
For more kind of annoying pop punk check out my review of Green Day's Father Of All... here
